“I haven’t posted a blog in weeks,” I said as he sat down at the kitchen table.
“I don’t know what to say.” My words lingered in the air waiting for his reply. With a hint of resignation in his voice and as he pushed himself up from the table to stand, he agreed with another, “I know.”
“If I say what’s really going on, people will worry.”
“What should I share?” I asked because not everything gets told in this blog. We only ever share the basics. Reality would be too much, too bare, too human.
“I don’t know,” he admitted with a sigh.
“Me either,” I replied, giving in to this business of not knowing what to say and when. That’s why I haven’t blogged for a month because I didn’t want to lie but I didn’t want to tell the truth either.
Will the Hooks make it to Australia isn’t really the question anymore. Will Hook make it another year is probably more accurate.
That second question circles us constantly now. Certainly, it questions us tonight or I should say this morning/afternoon because that conversation above didn’t happen today but last week. That conversation happened because of the continuing weight loss followed by a continuing decline of hemoglobin in Hook’s system. That conversation happened after Hook’s unexpected blood transfusion two weeks ago followed by the really unexpected second transfusion yesterday or two days ago depending on how accurate you want to be because I started writing this at 10:30 at night in St. David’s emergency room. Then it was 4:30 in the morning when they wheeled Hook up to his hospital room but now it’s almost 1pm central standard time the next day or today, Saturday, April 13th 2013.
Before the second transfusion, we’d had a disagreement over whether Hook should continue with chemo treatments anymore.
“You won’t have to worry about dying from cancer because you’ll drop dead long before then from malnutrition. Something is WRONG and we need to find out what it is and we need to STOP these chemo treatments until we know what’s wrong.” My shrill voice rose to meet the hysteria that had been hiding behind all those lingering questions in my mind. Is he going to make it? Why is he declining? What are we not doing right?
But back to the emergency room which turned into an overnight hospital stay and my contact lenses that dried out over four hours ago are stuck to dry eyeballs and my brain’s not functioning so great so it’s hard for me to know if I’m making any sense.
- A blood clot has formed in Hook’s left leg and he’s been admitted so the clot can be thinned and dissolved with a non-invasive, minor procedure. We’d noticed some swelling last night and it was our good fortune that Hook’s oncologist was the on-call doctor. His oncologist, who only two days ago impressed upon Hook the necessity of calling him for even the slightest changes in his body, recommended the emergency room right away.
- Things look okay so far. Timing is everything. If we had waited until this morning to call, who knows what would have happened. Or, if it hadn’t been his oncologist’s on-call weekend and instead we’d gotten another doctor who didn’t know Hook’s history, we probably wouldn’t have been recommended to go to the emergency room. Timing is everything.
I could have begun this blog with the announcement that Hook was back in the hospital but I needed to ease you into it, because I don’t want you to worry and because timing is everything.
I’ll post again tomorrow with what I know.
23 thoughts on “Timing is Everything”
You both are in my thoughts and prayers!
Our thoughts and prayers are with you both.
Prayers for you both my sister.
Is it the chemo that’s the main problem with nutrition. Or is it just trying to get food in in general? Let us know when we can talk with him.
You are both in my thoughts, day by day. Thanks for easing us into the situation.
Thank you for sharing what you can Rosemary. Just know you guys have lots of love and support with you on this road. Abrazos to you both.
Peace be with you both…if you need anything…Sheena
Sending warm thoughts to you and Hook.
Allan and Rosemary, you are an inspiration. We love you both so much. We are looking at flights for a visit–probably just the two of us when the guys are in Honduras but will call to see if it’ll even work for you. Allan, we are so thankful God brought you into Rosemary’s life and into our family. Don’t give up on Australia, they’re waiting for you in the outback.
“The reality of the other person lies not in what he reveals to you, but what he cannot reveal to you. “– Kahil Gibran
Thank you for sharing what you can when you can. My thoughts and prayers are with you both.
You are both in our thoughts and prayers.
Oh God Rosemary,
I was going to write you a thank you for your cheery messages these last few days. I am so full of thankfulness today. I want to send words of cheer to you as well but you need so much more. Because you are so good to others, I hope we can be good to and for you. Thinking and praying………
Please do not lose hope or the fight…….attitude matters so much toward improvement. Be like my b-i-l…two years, four surgeries for malignant brain tumor and he is doing well….. now. Thought we were losing him four times. So very scary and so very hard to anticipate or predict. God speed…….Shell Kranes’ mom, Darlene Let’s Believe in Miracles
So sorry to hear all that Rosemary. Will be praying for you both.
Sorry to hear that Rosemary! Sending big hugs and lots of prayers for you both!
Thank you for telling us what’s up, exactly when you did, and no sooner. Timing is everything. Being so impeccably on time is an indication that you are doing what you need to be doing, exactly when you need to be doing it. Small comfort, that, but I hope it helps you to relax into knowing you are doing everything that can be humanly done. Take these synchronicities to be affirmations of the incredibly wise way you and Hook are navigating these very choppy waters.
Love and prayers going out to both of you. Words fail; compassion does not.
I meant “before a major improvement”.
And don’t worry about making people worry. Frankly, when I hear no news, I start to worry – and I suspect I’m not the only one. But other people worrying shouldn’t be something you need to think about! Not sure if that makes sense . . . .
Mike and I just read this and we are saddened to heart. You and Hook are in our prayers
we’ll keep praying for both of you.
I’m so sorry. So much stress. Hopefully this is just a minor setback for a major improvement comes.
I am so sorry Rosemary. Can I bring you anything? Contact solution? An ear? A shoulder? Whatever it is I’ll be there. The hospital is a lonely place, I know.
We’re praying for both of you, Allan and Rosemary.
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